月曜日, 3月 28, 2011

I can't believed I got snapped at for asking questions.

I mean, I was just trying to get my head around the information because corporations law is really difficult.



Fuck off.

I never thought that he would know. I was just seeing if my thoughts were plausible.

And sorry for thinking that the whole idea that you can be a director, owner, shareholder and company all the same time, but yet you can also be director and shareholder but not owner and not the company. And you have have unlimited but partial liability and yet can sign contracts for no liability at all.

Yeah. It's so easy to understand.

Good to know that he's just as stupid as me.

I was just vocalising the questions because I was confused and curious. And he just happened to be there.

That's no excuse to be all snappy.


But no..... here I am trying to do something constructive and OMG I'm being annoying because I'm asking questions.

I'll never ask him anything again.

He wouldn't know anyway. I'm better off FUCKING GOOGLING IT. It's so easy to go though thousands of pages of someone else's ideas.

Hate him. Never asking him anything every again.

He takes up all the space and never puts his cups in the sink and leave trash around and never puts his dirty laundry in the basket and is forever forgetting to put the toilet seat down.


Well. He doesn't know anything anyway.

I'm better off fucking googling it.

*written @ 4:54 午後.

日曜日, 10月 17, 2010

*written @ 4:27 午後.

土曜日, 8月 14, 2010

In a Dream-like state of Mindlessness

I sometimes feel that I live in a world where I am not entirely myself. Identity as a concept eludes me. Is it what we do or who we are that actually serves to define oneself? Although... I fear that the the former eventually leads to the latter.

In my mind, sometimes the concept of reality seems but an illusion. It is a version of myself that I seem so out of touch with. The things I do, the people around me... In reality, they seemingly reflect so little about me that even I wonder the relevancy of it all.

My identity somehow lies not with the makings of the real world but somewhat within the elusive gap that separates that from a dream. The me that exists in reality and the me that I know are sometimes not me at all. I occasionally wonder if I am a part of them, or them a part of me.

Philosophers claim that identity is a destination that one embarks on. A journey whose meaning becomes clearer as time goes by. I beg to differ. The simple question of "Who am I?" seems to be escaping my understanding the longer I am me. The question of my talents, my loves, my enemies... eludes me more than ever at this point in my life. I knew what they are once upon a time I suppose, but that time is forever lost.

Maybe the definition of identify in this sense lies not in the matter of who you are but something else entirely.

Is a name enough to describe oneself as a whole? When I am hardly myself in my entirety.

Is lost a good enough word to describe being a stranger to myself?

Maybe that's what they call lost in translation.

*written @ 10:45 午後.

日曜日, 7月 25, 2010

An Issue Of Trust
Let it be known that in this world, you can trust no one.

To give you early notice at least.

Something as simple as telling someone that you're going to move out of their house is left to the very last minute to the point that they can no longer find another tenant.

But of course, I have since gotten over this. What brings me to this space is something of the same matter but the opposite.

Whether or not you are staying with someone is something that should have been decided long before the eventual starting of school. Factors like rent, chores, the length of stay are things that are important and should not be left to the last minute. A landlord would not wait for someone who cannot give early notice.

Basically, I have a room free in my apartment. And since I was initially going to spend a year in Japan, I was on the lookout for a house mate who could be responsible for my house and keep my other house mate company. Such a person (or so I thought) appeared- leading me to believe that all was going to be as I'd planned. Hardly. Of course, I do understand that no promises were made and that person might not see things the way I did.

However, that person decides to get back to me now. A week before school is due to start. And that person only wants to stay for 2 months. So, it's a bit pointless.

I think I'm cursed. Every time I think I find someone who is able to share my burden of rent, that person decides to be irresponsible.

I guess. I should be thankful! Thank Heaven that I saved myself a lot of worry and money by deciding to not go to Japan. Otherwise, I'd be pretty much fucked money and worry wise.

What I'm saying is, I should have been told weeks earlier of this development so that I did not have to keep asking about it. Plus, I would have time to give it a once over.

So, no you can't stay with me for 2 months. I refuse to let my house be used as a transit hall for anyone who can't be bothered to give me early notice.

Enough dammit.

*written @ 5:19 午後.

木曜日, 7月 22, 2010

Suspicious Authority
I rarely (if ever) look forward to seeing my relatives. By saying this, I mean my aunts. It seems, every time we have the inevitable meeting, I am plagued by statements and questions like "You've gotten fat!" and "What's wrong with your face?"

All my life, it seemed like gaining their approval was equal to scaling the heights of Mount Everest. Their line of sight (in regards to me) has moved from my academic incompetency to my struggle to not be hideous.

Ironically, the only time I was ever thin enough was when I had a rather severe eating disorder lasting for about 3 years.

It's so terrible. Who ever the made them the authority on how well I do in school or how flawless my skin is? The question is, why the fuck are they always picking on me? Sometimes, I wonder if what I have endured throughout my childhood and adolescence amounts to some sort of psychological abuse. And whether my constant meltdowns, lack of confidence and probable need to consult a therapist stems from the fact that the very people who are my seniors are tormenting me throughout various stages of my life.

I'm not thin, nor do I have perfect skin or hair, or eyebrows. Neither am I classically talented academically. I know that I have my merits but seeing them just erases all my sense of self and leaves me subjected to lashings of words regarding my inadequacy.

Maybe this only bothers me because I am a complete fool whose wounds have never and probable will never heal.

It seems horribly disrespectful to take such offence to people who share my bloodline.

But all I can do is sit and take it in real life.

*written @ 11:03 午後.

土曜日, 7月 17, 2010

After Ages
I know it's been a long time since I last posted anything of substantial value. Or anything at all for that matter. Well. I'm back to torment cyberspace with more incessant ideals for at least another post.

Lots of things have been on my mind lately. Of which one will be immortalized in words for today's post.

City Harvest. Really.
If you haven't already heard about the $300ish million and $28 thousand a month thing, I suggest you go google it and educate yourself. Now, I would first like to preface this by stating that I absolutely abhor City Harvest Church. I dislike the way the services are held, the way most of the congregation behaves and Pastor Sun.

Mostly, I just think she's a second rate performer and it annoys me when Wikipedia claims that she was at the 2004 Grammy Awards. Go youtube it. And the song China Wine. You'll see what I'm talking about and become astounded by the fact that someone who produces songs like that is able to live in a $28000-a-month house in Hollywood Hills. Plus, if she made all that money, surely she can afford to wear something less hideous than that dress she allegedly (I say allegedly as I have yet to see a video of her actually in Kodak Theater. Or wherever they held the awards.) wore to the 2004 Grammy's.

Basically I just don't like the institution and think that it is highly suspicious that a non-profit organisation has that amount of money. And! That someone who started a church finds it acceptable to bare her tummy in a crappy music video and spend that much money pursuing a frivolous career when there are people starving in the world.

Before you say that I can save these people too, I would like to make clear that I do not profess to be a pastor, nor did I start and organisation that is somewhat expected to be charitable to a large extent.

*written @ 9:58 午後.

月曜日, 4月 12, 2010

I'm going to write my birthday list now! =P As usual, presents are appreciated but never mandatory.

1) Style A to Z by Rachel Zoe (who is my current favourite celebrity)

2) Lancome Color Fever Gloss in Black Cherry

3) Cooking mama for DS 3

4) A Balenciaga book bag

5) Coastalscents 88 palette

6) Lancome oscillating mascara

7) Stila cosmetics kajal eye liner in Onyx

8) Ripped black tights

9) Angel time by Anne rice

10) Lancome Mineral Power Foundation brush

11) The original beauty bible by Paula Begoun

*written @ 6:05 午後.