木曜日, 8月 31, 2006
I just received a message on my handphone, like 10 minutes ago?
Message:Do you mind telling me your new blog add? (the bad grammer was already there. I didn't edit it)
Me: I'm not tell you. It's a private blog.
Message: Ooh ok respectin that, cause they all were talkin earlier (don't tell them)
Me: Oh. Why?
Message: Nothin much la, they were sayin that u were direct with your words, like i don like that girl, i don like... then mrs neo...
Me: There is nothing wrong with being direct is there?
Message: Don worry, i already on your sid about this, its your blog u have the right, if they are unhappy they should go set up their own blog, u just writingyr feelings...
Message: And good that yr sis scold that mr sim he deserved it.
Message: Not true u implyin? we don like mr sim too he unreasonable.
Such an idiot is he not? Can he truly not see that I cannot be bothered with him? *sighs* But this has given me a chance to blog about something with substance. Technically, in response to being direct, I suppose I could always be like "May the fires of evil rage for if thou so dare to scourn thy power" or "May thou's presence never distemper my heart". But! What, may I ask is the point? Wait. There is no point is there?
I am however, very shocked that the brainless git asked for my blog add. Technically, it's not something one would do. Not to me, anyway. It is a very open secret that my blog is controversal and full of spite and negative sarcastism. =D But hey, I suppose it's just me. I just hope that he doesn't ever find out, because if he does, I'll have to change my address again! And what a pain that will be. Words that are meant for the open-minded should always be read by the open-minded.
Besides. I took away my tag-board for a reason! I got sick of people commenting about my thoughts and trying to make pathetic small talk. And there was always the "don't fret about it, pray about it and God will help." pasted there, like some cursed wallpaper. If God would help me, I wouldn't need to blog and cry about it in the first place. *rolls eyes* Anyway, my point is. All comments on my thoughts should always be make to me first. I do hate it when blogging hits me in real life but it's neccesary to prevent any more of that mr sim incident from happening again. Also, I would appreciate it if my blog was not, under any circumstance discussed in the presence of whom I do not like! I thought that would be understood when I shared the address with people who I think I trust, but apparently it is not.
I was too direct again, was I? Ha. Like I care.
What a large number of posts I have today...
*written @ 8:58 午後.
GMA - matsujun presenting award
HOW COME HE WENT TO TAIWAN?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE STUPID PUBLICITY PEOPLE FOR JOHNNY'S?! I hate rainee yang. What kind of person calls themself rainee. *bleah*
*written @ 6:03 午後.
Random Thing: Tufty hair is cute!
My teacher once said: Life doesn't owe you anything
Never in my life have I regretted: Taking Pianoe lessons! And getting Russell!
The one person who can drive me nuts but still make me smile: Ian? *laughs*
When I'm nervous: I bite my nails
The last time I laughed (till I cried) was when: I saw KAT-TUN playing electric soccer.
My hair is: Not long not short, but long enough to tie up
My feet are: Average. Size 6 for heels
Last Christmas: I went to church
When I turn my head left: I see the closet
When I turn my head right: I see a huge pile of files and books
When I look down: I see the key-board
If you make me really happy: I'll tell you I love you.
Where do you plan to visit anytime soon: Er... Kinokuniya!
Boys are: Seriously in need of having they're egos deflated someway, somehow
I'd stop my wedding: If my groom dies
The world can do without: War, racism, brussell sprouts and the idiot who spoke the unspoken and the idiots in my class.
I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: Actually talk to gabriel beh.
Most recent you bought yourself: Japanese self learn book
Most recent thing someone else bought you: Er... Christian Dior bag!
My least favourite time of the day is: Morning, 6 am
The last time I was high: was when I had way too much chocolate
The last person you talked to said: You're crazy
Last night: I slept like the dead. I didn't even hear Jie come back, bathe, blow dry her hair and plonk herself on the bed.
There's this girl I know who's: The flippin cutest thing! Cassie!
There's this guy I know who's: Incredibly stupid
I'll tell the next person who makes me really happy: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I'm listening to: SNOWSNOWSNOW by Kinki kids
I last ate: A horrible tasting handful of chips
My bed is: QUEEN SIZED.
I smell: Bad. I haven't had a shower.
On my table I have:
1) a hole puncher
2) a broken compass
3) the air-con remote
4) the phone
6) HELL LOTS OF PAPER EVERYWHERE
7) a box full of random stuff
*written @ 3:49 午後.
水曜日, 8月 30, 2006
i have no idea what they are saying but it so funny! Akanishi Jin!
*written @ 10:32 午後.
Utawara 2006.07.09 Part 1
Don't you just love soccer? Hahahahahahaha...
*written @ 10:17 午後.
You know, I would actually love to change my blog skin to some that my babe Adrianna can make for me reagarding all my boys (Hikaru, Taiyo, Shoon, Yabu, Koyama, Masuda, Tegoshi, Yamapi, Inoo, Yuto, Jin, Kamenashi, Tagochi, Yuiichi) but I kinda think that everyone would stop reading because it's pure humiliating to have a page full of guys who look like girls pop up on your sceen. Hahaha... But I think that Cassie and Adrianna won't mind though since all of us can shamelessly surf the net for pictures of our loves. Hahahaha...
I've recently made friends with a Taiwanese (TINA! HOW CAN I CONTACT YOU?! I NEED YOU TO HELP ME BUY BACK TAIWAN WINK UP BEFORE I DIE TRANSLATING THE JAPANESE ONE) living in New York. Yups... Oh oh! And the beautiful thing is that she cannot read or write chinese. Her taiwanese ex-chinese teacher mother is not making her learn! So cool right! But strangely, she wants to come learn chinese now so that she can take japanese in college. Which is impossible because I have learnt it for 16 long years and I still suck at it. And I still want to learn japanese. Hahahaha...
My i-pod is currently full of japanese songs! Which I can understand! A bit. I can tell if it's a love song or not. *beams* My japanese name is Shizuka. Not nice... I translated it myself.
*written @ 8:04 午後.
月曜日, 8月 28, 2006
Wait until abt 2 mins! The funny part begins then! Jun matsumoto!
*written @ 9:49 午後.
I would like to speak about the unspoken. (Oh my... How wrong that sounds) In every culture, in every part of the world, there is an unspoken law. It is not recorded anywhere, in any book, nor in any historical record. However, the magnitude of it's presence is so powerful that everyone in the world knows never to say the unspoken. Everyone except one particular idiot that is.
Idiot: How you know that J likes C?
Me: I dunno... He just shows obvious favouritism towards her over me.
Idiot: Maybe it's cause she's pretty.
Me (jokingly): So I'm not pretty? Ok...
Idiot: You're not as pretty as C! *starts typing haahahaha*
There it was. Right in front of me! The unspoken. In case you didn't know, the unspoken refers to the "You're not as pretty as..." I am not offended by the fact that the idiot thinks that I am not pretty. It's ok! I know there are like... whole dimensions of people prettier than me. BUT! The thing that offends me is, he actually said it. To my face. HE. SAID. THE. CURSED. UNSPOKEN. TO. MY. FACE.
Now. For example, let's say you want to break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend for another person with a personality on par with theirs but who is just better looking. If you are shaking your head and telling me how shallow I am, you are a liar. Everyone does/has done/will do it. Anyway, how to break up? You would just tell the person that the other one is kinder/sweeter/nicer/whathaveyou or you would just not mention it at all. You would never say "I'm breaking up with you for someone who is better-looking." Am I right or am I right? It is mutually understood that something like that should be kept to oneself and oneself only. It is perfectly fine to say "You are not pretty." But, by saying "You are not as pretty as..." you are actually letting reality loom in on the poor girl. You are actually implying that appearences do matter most. We all know that they do, but we never say it, we never compare in public as it is a form of respect to the other person. It's just plain cruel and shallow.
I speak of it as a law as if everyone went around shouting and shrewing the unspoken around like jelly beans, the world would be in choas. No woman would ever want to show herself ever again, no man would ever find someone to marry and reproduce, and the world would just die and be void forever of the human species.
The unspoken should stand true to it's name, and always, always, under any circumstance, be unspoken.
Pre-post: I'll be more than happy to tell you who that idiot is if you're interested enough to ask. And forevermore, he shall be known as the idiot who spoke the unspoken.
*written @ 4:42 午後.
日曜日, 8月 27, 2006
AHAhAHAHA. Most of my favourite people!
1st guy from left: Akanishi Jin
2nd guy: HIKARU
4th guy: YUICHI
*written @ 4:20 午後.
Oh my... What on earth did I do with the bigger picture? Hahaha! Hikaku! *beams*
The top picture is supposed to be this size, but since I already uploaded, I'm lazy to search for the other one. Hahaha... Isn't Taiyo handsome? If your answer is no, keep if to yourself or I'll make you wish you were never born. =D
OMG. So cute right! Hate the stupid checkered pants though.
I LOVE THIS ONE! *Grins* Doesn't the area look uncanningly like Singapore? I wish they would come here...
Anyone knows how to get rid of the stupid web address? Look at how skinny Yabu is! Cannot stand. I am not a pervert.
*written @ 3:43 午後.
金曜日, 8月 25, 2006
Oh oh! DID YOU KNOW?! That they don't photoshop the pictures in the jap magazines? *laughs* I realised it when I found myself looking at Jin's blackheads, and Yabu's freckles, and Shoon's beauty mark and all of their terrible eye bags! Like, HELLO?! Did the make-up artist like run out of concealer or something!? Look at the terrible eye-bags! I can do a better job than that! *Slaps forehead* Also, do the people do not know how to air-brush!? I mean... What do you buy magazines for? To look at perfection right? *sighs* But I guess it's good that they show the flaws. The thing I adore about japanese celebs is that they retain some extent of human. Plus, it's good to know that they have flaws too! Like... Yabu has freckles only on the right side of his face. *squeals*
I can count to ten in japanese and write it too!
*written @ 6:56 午後.
土曜日, 8月 19, 2006
ARGH. I wish that I was with Adrianna and Cassie at the Liang Court Kinokuniya today. *Cries* It had everything! *sniff sniff* Hm.... I wonder if there is any stock for the 2005 June Myojo. Crap. And now you know what? Due to phone call saying "Did you know that the Johnnys' actually reply their fan-mail in a magazine?" "AH! Seriously?! What magazine?! What!?" "Duet! When did you send the letter?" Crap. Now I feel compelled to buy the September and October Duet. ARGH. (let us not speak a word of my stupidity, because I already know how incredibly stupid I am/was) Maybe I won't like eat lunch for 2 weeks to feel less guilty sbout it. Oh oh! I can't believe that I have another person to add to my obsession with Hikaru, Taiyo, Shoon, Yabu, Koyama, Masuda and Tegoshi. *bangs head against table* That person is Matsumoto Jun! The seriously shuai guy in Gokusen. Well, there's this guy called Noda in the show who is pretty cute too, but I haven't been able to figure out who he is yet. (pictures when I have the time)
I took my birthday Westlife CD out of the computer, put in its case and put it in the CD shelf. It's about time to listen to different songs.
Did you know that Hikaru's voice only broke this year? OMG.
*written @ 9:10 午後.
月曜日, 8月 14, 2006
First singer: Yabu
Second singer: Hikaru!
I like this song! My eye candy at the end of the day. *beams*
*written @ 10:08 午後.
日曜日, 8月 13, 2006
2. Nicknames: Leen, Leenie, Leen Leen, Queen Aileen, Maki Maki and what have you
3. Age: Sweet 16
4. Place of Birth: The place where souls die- Singapore.
5. Zodiac Sign: Gemini
6. Male or Female: Female and immensely proud of it.
7. Grade: Last year in high school! (Get me outta there)
8. School: Dunman
9. Occupation: Student and probably part-time bitch.
10. Residence: Pasir Ris, Singapore
*** Your Appearance ***
12. Hair Color: Black. Although it'll turn brown when i use a certain shampoo.
13. Hair Length: Long enough to tie up in a teeny weeny pony tail
14. Eye color: Brown
15. Best Feature: Eyes?
16. Height/Weight?: 163/Hell'll freeze over when I tell anyone my weight
17. Braces?: Used to.
18. Glasses?: Yups... Degree 100 but I don't wear them often
19. Piercing: Ears and only my ears
20. Tattoos: None
21. Righty or Lefty: Righty, as always
*** Your 'Firsts' ***
22. First best friend: Des and my best friend is still Des! *laughs*
23. First Award: Does an edusave award count?
24. First Sport You Joined: Er... Tennis? I love tennis!
25. First pet: My Dad used to keep this bird... =D
26. First Real Vacation: To Perth!
27. First Concert: Avril Lavigne!
28. First Love: There is some confusion regarding that at this moment. *grins*
*** Favorites ***
29. Movie: Pretty Woman, Atlantis, Hercules, Men in black... (can't really think of anything now)
30. TV Show: The YA-YA-YAH channel! Onigokko, Armed reaction, Grey's Anatomy, America's next top model, Runway...
31. Colors: Black, blue, purple, orange, red.
32. Rapper: WHA?!
33. Band: YA-YA-YAH (I'm crazy I know), NEWS, KAT-TUN, TOKIO
34. Song Right Now: Akogare No Egoist by Yaotome Hikaru
35. Friend: Just one!?
36. Candy: Star bursts!
37. Sport to Play: Tennis... (Man, I miss tennis)
38. Restaurant: Canteena
39. Favorite brand to wear: Er... all my clothes have different brands...
40. Store: THE STORE ON THE 8TH FLOOR OF CINELEISURE. *beams. Kinokuniya...
41. Subject: Does Ya-Ya-Yah count? *laughs*
42. Animal: Russells! Hahaha... Dogs, Bunnies...
43. Book: Shopaholic, Interview with a Vampire, Narnia... blahblah blah.
44. Magazine: CLEO, Dolly, Girlfriend, Wink up, Myojo, Potato, Kindai. *winks*
45. Shoes: My Nue shoes, and substance ones, and my cherry Havianna's!
*** Currently ***
46. Feeling: Pissed with the person who decided to call the phone next to me at 8, and whoever decided on my B3.
47. Secret: If I told you it wouldn't be a secret now would it?
48. Have a crush: Sure! On Hikaru and Yabu and Taiyo! Hahaha...
49. Eating: Nothing
50. Drinking: Nothing
51. Typing: Duh...
52. Online?: Always and forever.
53. Listening To: Ding Dong by Tokio
54. Thinking About: How I'm going to survive this year
55. Wanting To: Finish studying, fast forward time, and get shipped to Perth.
56. Watching: The computer screen?
57. Wearing: Underwear and an oversized shirt.
*** Future ***
58. Want Kids?: Yes. About 2?
59. Want to be Married?: Not neccessarily. *laughs* Look at Johnny Depp and Vanassa Paradis!
61. Where do you want to live: Somewhere incredibly romantic.
62. Car: Er... I have no idea.
*** Which is Better With The Opposite Sex ***
63. Hair color: Hm... anything really as long as it's not like GREEN or something that unnatural.
64. Hair length: Doesn't matter as long as it's not long enough for a ponytail, and suits them.
65. Eye color: Anything! But I like deep green eyes.
66. Measurements: I like moderate-defined guys. And tall! I like tall.
67. Cute or Sexy: Both.
68. Lips or Eyes: Er... Depends on what mood I'm in? *laughs*
69. Hugs or Kisses: Hugs! Somehow the thought of exchanging saliver with someone else makes me a bit queasy.
70. Short or Tall: TALL. I like tall.
71. Easygoing or serious: Moderate?
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: A spontaneous romantic
73. Fatty or Skinny: Moderation is the key~
74. Sensitive or Loud: Sensitive definitely.
75. Hook-up or Relationship: Depends
76. Sweet or Caring: Both! But too much sweet is murder.
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: MODERATION
*** Have you ever ***
78. Kissed a Stranger: Nope.
79. Had Alcohol: Yups
80. Smoked: NEVER
81. Ran Away From Home: Nah. For what?
82. Broken a bone: Nope
83. Got an X-ray: Yup... For my braces
84. Been with someone: Nope.
85. Broken Someone's Heart: Would it be bad if I were grinning as I said yes?
86. Broke Up With Someone: Does Aiden count? Hahahaha...
87. Cried When Someone Died: Yeah
88. Cried At School: I'm sorry to say... but yeah. Damn that B3
*** Do You Believe In ***
89. God: Yes
90. Miracles: No
91. Love At First sight: Why not? It was when I saw Russell.
92. Ghosts: I'd rather not.
93. Aliens: No
94. Soul Mates: Yes.
95. Heaven: Hm... I don't know.
96. Hell: If not, what do you call school besides school?
97. Angels: I doubt it.
98. Kissing on The First Date: A good night kiss?
99. Horoscopes: Nah.
*** Answer Truthfully ***
100. Is There Someone You Want But You Know You Can't have?: *Sigh* Don't we all?
*written @ 12:49 午後.
土曜日, 8月 12, 2006
That's it. I'm not believing anymore! It's no point believing in people who I will probably never meet, never speak to, and whose language I can't speak. *Nods* Since believing in religion has proven to be very upsetting, I suppose believing in something I can actually see with my own eyes and hear, is equally as stupid.
Seriously, I really admire Des. *Smiles* Despite all she has gone through, she has always managed to carry on being happy and to be there for me when I'm being all brainless. =D However, the term "I'll be there when you need me doesn't really apply to her" as she never seems to need me as much I need her. *laughs* But I love her anyway. (what a random paragraph)
Anyway, you know that thing about how belief betrays? Well! The same thing applies to trust too! Difficult to believe, no? Like, for example, I changed the address of my blog for a freaking reason. When I said "I trust you with the address, so please don't tell anyone." I said it for a reason. I'm am rather pained to see that someone actually bleached that trust. (I don't mind you reading my blog Wm, but it's the trust thing) Tell me. Was that really neccessary? I would like to say that it was not based on the event of too many mis-understandings. It was based on the lack of respect that was shown (If you do not like something that other people do, shut up), how upset it made me, and the failure to apoligise. But in fact, I was expected to make things right as usual. It was not a matter of pride, but purely of insensitivity and a flaw in yourself. Yup. That's right. People whose names that start with C, has 8 letters and ends with E, have flaws too! Did I shock you with that? Right. Or maybe, it was putting my fragile trust into hands that were too rough to handle it.
The best part of believe is always that lie.
*written @ 1:08 午後.
金曜日, 8月 11, 2006
I believed you know. I truly, really did. And what did I get? Betrayal, as always. Don't tell me I deserved it. I WORKED MY ASS OFF. I wrote like a chinese essay 3 freaking times a week. Plus, I did so many many papers! *cries* I SO DO NOT DESERVE THAT B3!!!!!!!!!!! I was this close! THIS CLOSE TO GETTING A2! How could they!? The thing that disappoints me is not the B3, I'm actually rather pleased with it. It's the point that I prayed for A2 everyday. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. I asked God "Lord, if I didn't get it, you can just tell me now. It's ok. I can take it." But the answer alway, ALWAYS was "Yes, you will. Don't worry and put your trust in me." So, I did. *Bangs head against table* I can't believe it. Christianity just lied balently to me. Or maybe, it was satan. Ha. Yeah right. WHATEVER. It lied to me!! I've never felt so terrible in my life.
The believe and put your trust in God thing? Doesn't work. The God will always be there when you need him? Doesn't work. The "Be still and know I am God?" Nope. I tried, man did I try. And look where it got me. The miracles do happen if you believe? IT DOESN'T WORK. If it did, Mummy would have lived and I would have my Simei house. I believed alright. When I had to move, I said "If God wants me to move, I will move and shut up." AND I GET FREAKING CRAP LIKE THIS. I didn't ask for much. All I needed was an A2. I worked my ass off! Don't you dare say I didn't deserve it!
You know.. I never saw myself as Christian (even though I was born one and have been praying everyday for the last 13 years) until I got brought to church. I was always a freethinker. And I think I will go back to being one. Since my religion just lied to me.
Maybe, I'll be Shinto. That sounds cool.
*written @ 8:48 午後.
木曜日, 8月 10, 2006
O level chinese results are out tomorrow. *breathes* If you can't tell, I'm trying really hard not to hyperventilate! You see... It's not really the problem on how I do. I'm sure I'll get at worst a B. HOWEVER, as long as I don't freaking get an A. Any A, I'll have to retake!!! *screams* What the hell!? Ah... *bites nails* I seriously seriously hope that I will get an A. I don't care if it's only A2. It's an A. It's all I need...
ARGH. Being 16 sucks.
*written @ 8:24 午後.
火曜日, 8月 08, 2006
I wanna go to Japan! I wanna I wanna I wanna! *hummphs* Hahahaha... But the thing is, I want to be there to catch Hikaru, Yabu, Taiyo and Shoon in concert! (I know I can slowly dream) But *sigh* Even if I got there in time, where on earth would I get tickets? Adrianna says that if I were too sit in the audience, I would be screaming my head off like all of the other fangirls. Yeah right! I think I'll probably be sitting there, yelling at everyone to shut up so that I can hear the song properly and without interruptions and I AM NOT A FANGIRL. I may be obsessed and crazed and what have you, but I am not a fangirl! *yells*
Technically, I need my computer to be on when I study. Believe it or not. The noise helps me get things done. And argh! You have no idea what it's like to be stuck with a deranged mind like mine! I need something to keep me constantly distracted so that I don't day-dream. Day-dreaming is not so bad you say.... Not when you can do it straight for like 6 hours! That's the problem. So yeah. If you don't want me to sit here and stare at the paper with my brain being in Aileen land, I would appreciate if I could have the computer on so that I can ask Cassie physics and watch stuff!
And anyway, I need to say this. I need to! Before I like keep staying irritated with it. 彼は粗悪品である! *whew* I think I don't need to explain what it means yeah? It has something to do with a someone! Starts with B, ends with D and has 7 letters! Guess guess! Hahahaha...
Is it wrong to believe in people who I probably will never meet, never speak to, and whose language I can't speak?
*written @ 2:51 午後.
月曜日, 8月 07, 2006
Yabu! Hahaha... so cute! Look at how teeny thay are. Look at how big their clothes are. In the end they recycled the outfits. -.-" But nice suits no? I like guys who look good in suits! *laughes*
*written @ 9:39 午後.
Ya-Ya-yah 2006-07-23 Live Stage
I know that I've put up e first song already, but Yabu is very shuai in summer summer summer! (the I need you want you part) Hahaha...
*written @ 9:27 午後.
金曜日, 8月 04, 2006
Baby, I want you, I need you, I love you.
Baby, I beg you, don't make me cry.
Stay with me throughout the winter,
Throughout the summer, throughout my days.
Seeing your face on that damned screen,
Watching you dance with soul, with ease.
A twinkle it brings, a twinkle with glee,
Forever more, I wish to see.
I wanna hold you, touch you, feel your lips on mine.
The fire it brings, the passion I seek.
The promise that I would forever be thine's.
Your words grace my presence,
Of a kanguage I don't understand.
Darling, you are mine and mine alone,
It's such a pity it just won't show.
Pictures, I hold close to my heart.
Pictures of you, of me, but none of us.
You sing your song and I know it's for me.
But your shadow, I have never seen.
I wanna hold you, touch you, make you mine.
The kiss that lingers, that fulfills thine.
The promise I made to see you again,
Would never waver, nor to taint.
My soul dies a little death, to see your name by another's hand.
You are mine and mine alone!
And that I scream,
To ease my woes.
Baby, I want you, I need you so much.
To feel your cheek within my touch.
But yet, you are so far away.
Your precious promise-you'll never sway.
Isn't it beautiful? Haha... Yup! I wrote it myself during social studies class. Im thinking of turning it into a song. However, I am a musical idiot. Argh. It truly sucks to not be musically inclined.
*written @ 4:51 午後.
木曜日, 8月 03, 2006
Anyway. If I say it's pronounced as I-ta-da-ki-mass means it is! It's technically spelt as I-ta-da-ki-ma-su, but because the japanese speak really, really fast, the su cannot be heard distinctly. IF YOU DOUBT ME, I WILL SHOW YOU. *pissed off* I believe that I've watch enough japanese anime and shows to know how to pronounce basic words. -.-
*written @ 8:33 午後.
水曜日, 8月 02, 2006
But while showering, I finally realised what it stands for. It stands for Pride. I, for one, have the same amount of as a... I dunno... a poor, starving child. Dangle something I want/need in front of me and I will beg for it. If someone held up an O level certificate with 6 points and my name written on it, and told me to get down on my knees and beg for it, I would. However... I do realise that there are people who, in fact, have a far greater amount of it than I do.
My mind was really active today! (maybe it's the idling on the bus)
Little voice in my head: You're really such a bitch!
Me (thinking): Oh... ok.
Little voice: Doesn't it bother you?
Me: Bother me? No.. not really.
Little voice: Why?
Me: It just not worth my time to think about things like that. Besides, I have a great family, a dog, and everything I could ever hope for as a teen. If God wants to make me a bitch after all his done for me, I say "Well! Go ahead!"
You see... I don't believe that everyone should feel small or insignificant in this world. I do not say I never believed because I once did feel that I did not belong on the face of this earth. Trust me, everything does. Even the mosquito smacking itself stupidly against the window trying to get in to suck my blood deserves to be here. So what if Hikaru is japanese and has a small penis? (argh... I can't believe I typed that) He has a right to be here as much as anyone does. About 1% of the world love him as an actor/singer anyway. It doesn't matter about snide comments or anyone being a stupid bastard or calling me a bitch. I don't care. God made me and I belong on this world like everyone else. And it took a lot of therapy called love/friends/tears to bring me to that conclusion. I don't care if I'm called a bitch. Even if my own mind is calling me one. It does not make me a terrible person, nor undeserving. "God loves a peace-maker." The bible says. And that I shall be. But not with anyone but myself first.
I cannot find in me the heart to click the name on my messanger and confront it. Face it. I may have shielded myself with thick sarcasm, but deep inside, I still hurt. Besides, I'll only be here another 4 months. When I leave, everything will be alright. No more of this rubbish will take place. And next time, I'll be direct and say "Get the hell away from me, since you obviously don't need me. And are selfish enough not to reflect, but instead blame everything on me."
Four more months, before it's safe for me to click that window and type "You bastard!"
*written @ 8:36 午後.
火曜日, 8月 01, 2006
*written @ 9:02 午後.