金曜日, 6月 30, 2006

What is wrong with all of them. To quote from a certain someone (Not cheryl), "I'm changing because Changi is boring." What the hell! Can people do that? Can they, can they? How is that morally correct? How can these people live with themselves. *Angry* Well, I'm all worked up because aaron was mean to me again. For some reason, he just can't be nice! First he ignores me, and then he speaks to me in a "I don't want to talk to you, but since you talked to me first, I have to." What the hell?! Maybe it's a sign for me to start hating him. Like, if you do not want to be bothered by me, all you've got to do is say so! I hate it when people make me feel stupid. Argh... I want to go to Perth now! At least there, I'll have new friends, and if aaron is like that to me, I can just dismissed him as an asshole I once knew. Since he's already condemed me to being "just a girl he once knew." Enough is enough.

Maybe it's time for me to disappear somewhere. Somewhere where people from my past won't catch up with me and make my life hell. Again! I am not trash! I do not get thrown away! Which part of that is so difficult to understand?! *sighs* If God can put a man on the moon, why can't he just put all of them there?

*written @ 10:34 午後.

木曜日, 6月 29, 2006

*Sigh* He just popped into my head again. So annoying! Why won't it just go away for good? I do realise that this thing is completely one-sided and in my head. But I can't help having this little deperate hope that he'll talk to me like I actually matter again. However, a couple of days ago, he told me something (Would he have told me if I didn't talk to him first?) that made that hope vanish. I want to tell him something from inside, but I can't. Not only do I know that he'll laugh his head off, but I also know that he'll make me feel extremely foolish and worthless. It's all he does when he speaks to me nowadays. Besides, if I do, it'll show I actually care. And why should I care when he so obviously doesn't?

Whatever. I'll be on one side of the planet, and his going somewhere I'll never go. May the Lord not let me see him again. Ever. I can't take another round of this rubbish.

*written @ 10:19 午後.

水曜日, 6月 28, 2006

When I moved from my Hougang house to my Simei house, the first thing I thought was "This house is freaking small!" And when I moved from my Simei house to my Pasir Ris house, I thought "Whoa! This house is even smaller than freaking small!" Hahaha... For your information, I was perfectly content with my Hougang house. Well, except that I was certain that the house was haunted. (some old man commited suicide by jumping off the twelfth storey) No one believes me but I insist that there were some weird happenings! But my Hougang house was so nice... *says wistfully* It was so big I even had space to have a baby grand piano (my first piano) ...

Oh! before I forget to mention, today was Russelly's first car ride in years! The last one ended up in him getting extremely car sick and puking on Jie. *Laughs at memory* But today, he was unbelievably... meek. Hahahaha! He curled up oh the floor for a while, but he got a bit bolder and started sniffing at random objects. Cute! When he got into the new house, HE RAN AND BANGED INTO THE GLASS DOOR! Hahahahahahaha.... Ok. That was mean.

mrs sundar is not a bitch. No no no... She is definately PURE EVIL. She failed me on my mensuration test and arithmatisc test. I don't really have a problem with that, BUT SHE BLOODY FAILED ME BY ONE MARK ON BOTH. It wasn't because I couldn't pass, it was because she didn't mark a couple of questions! *Pui* And she wouldn't let me leave! For no reason, she held me back. Actually, she held the whole class back. I HATE HER SO MUCH. I very rarely say that I hate any one, but now I'm saying it. She is so obviously picking on me. She held me back in the holidays too, and made me do corrections for my can pass but failed because of her stupidity test without help. If I could do the corrections without help, I would have gotten the rubbish question right in the first place wouldn't I? And when I could figure how to do one question, I had no choice but to ask her SINCE SHE TOLD ALL MY FRIENDS TO LEAVE. However, when I asked her, I realised that SHE COULDN'T SOLVE THE QUESTION. What the hell...

I hate mrs sundar.

*written @ 10:22 午後.

月曜日, 6月 26, 2006

Anyone wanna hear comments on the movie The King and The Clown? No? Too bad! You've got no choice! Hahaha... *lame* -.-"

Anyway, Cassie, Shing, Su-Lin, Adrianna and I decided to go watch it after school today. (Today is the only day all of us were free at the same time) So we checked the LIFE section (coped from the library) and decided to go to Lido to check the movie. Yeah... It was a bit far but it was the only place which had it at a good timing anf TM wasn't showing it. Getting into the cinema was such a hassle! The movie was NC 16 and Cassie and Sulin weren't exactly 16 yet! *fumes* The stupid lady at the counter didn't let us get the tickets without IC. *growls* In the end, we wisened up-we got people to buy it for us! Haha... But Lido is such a pain! Before we went into the cinema, the usher decided to check our ICs. For some reason, he only checked Cassie's and mine. What the hell... Since Cassie wasn't 16, I loaned her my EZ-link and she stuck a neoprint on it. Here was the situation:

Usher: *points at Cas* Eh! You! IC!
Cas: *hands it over quietly*
Usher: *shoves it back to Cas and looks at me* You! IC! (Do I not look 16?!)
Me: *Tries to cover name* (Since both my identity cards have the same name)
Usher: *SNATCHES* (They should so be not allowed to do that!) Hm... Can!

I wanna ask something, "HOW COME THE PERSON ONLY CHECKED CASSIE'S AND MINE?!" And one after another too...

Oh yeah! The movie! The guy, Lee Joon-Ki I think IS THE PRETTIEST PERSON I HAVE EVER SEEN. Fiona Xie? *pui* She doesn't hold a candle to him man... So chio ok... Even his actions and the way he talks is so... female! Puts me to shame. Cannot stand. At the beginning of the show, when he was walking some random tight rope, I THOUGHT HE WAS A GIRL! o.0 And I nudged Cassie, saying "Eh. That girl is so pretty!" And Cassie went "Girl? That's a guy!" WHAT THE HELL. Anyway, it was really funny. But there's this phyco King... He's seriously crazy! And he behaves just like a kid. Plus, the ministers are damn retarded. They wouldn't let the King do anything. So dumb! So throughout the whole show, I kept commenting "He's the King! Why won't they let him do whatever he wants?!" *Angry* Hahahaha... It's really interesting, but the irritating thing about the movie is that, THERE IS NO ENDING. None! No! Nada! *vomits blood* I can't believe I paid $7 and went through all that effort to get into a show with no ending. Irritating! Oh yeah. And in the end, everyone died. And they didn't show Lee Joon-Ki's ads! *Angry* Well... there was a kiss, but it was like 2 seconds! The ending is infuriating but just being able to look at the pretty guy makes it all worth while. So watch! Than I have people to gush about the Lee Joon-Ki to! Hahahaha...

Damn! I didn't get to see his abs. And I think the producers ran out of funding to finish the ending. Hahaha...

*written @ 9:16 午後.

日曜日, 6月 25, 2006

You know what? I can't wait to get out of here! Not here as in house here, but here in general. I just want to hurry up and finish up this school term and be shipped off to Perth. Hate me, but it's true. Everything's giving me so much trouble! It's so difficult to stay focused and not lose my temper. Ignore, ignore, ignore... That's all I've been doing these days... It's so tiring! I'm really sick of the whole day go out and eat thing. I think that I will go back to do what I've been doing in Sec 1-Go home straight and skip lunch. Besides, since I'm shifting soon, I'll be able to be far far far away from leonard. Which is good! Hahaha...

No. Seriously. I want to go to a school which doesn't start at 7.15 am. A school that does not have freaks and annoying little bitches that are irritatingly dunmanites. Somewhere where I will stop being bagered by mr sim (not that he's actually doing it now, but...) and attire. I mean, if I don't tie up my hair, I'll have to put up with the stifling heat myself won't I? And not to mention the incredible idiocracy of certain person. Oh! And I still don't really want to talk to cheryl because the not going to church thing and wasting my time and effort thing doesn't seem to affect her much. Did I say much? I'm sorry... I meant AT ALL. And the thing about me leaving? Oh pish. I can't believe it.

School is starting tomorrow. I am pissed and my room is in a huge mess and my literature essay just turned out to be crap. Wow.

*written @ 5:08 午後.

月曜日, 6月 19, 2006

Look. Stop asking me why! Do I look like I know the answer?! *sheesh* Why do people keep asking me questions? If I knew all of the answers, I wouldn't even be here! I would be called the great Aileen and living in my huge castle charging a hundred dollars per word I say. So stop asking me.

*Argh* I hate practicing chinese oral with my chinese tuition teacher! It's so.... EXASPERATING. My chinese sucks, please... It's so obvious. However, I can still speak perfectly understandable chinese! Ok. So what I don't understand is, why does she have to keep interrupting me when I haven't finished speaking? It kinda goes like:

Me: I agree! Er... Because I feel that er... Singaporeans are really selfish and all they care about is themselves..
Her: *Cuts in* Oh! So why? Carries on speaking for me.
(The whole thing is in chinese)

Ah well.. since jie wants to use the computer, and she's giving me stress sitting here. I will. Stop and let her use.

*written @ 2:16 午後.

日曜日, 6月 18, 2006

*Grabs random pole* I do not want to move! *yells and cries* It seem that everytime I move, a little piece of me rots and flakes off. It feels... terrible. I was clearing my closet today, and I saw hand-me-downs from like er... 10 years ago. And I couldn't wear them anymore (Well duh) but I wanted to keep them. But in the end I didn't. What I couldn't figure out was, what should I keep them for? So I just chucked them in the pile of clothes to give away. Now, if I decided to give them away, why am I so haunted by the memory of my mummy giving that cardigan to me to wear when I was cold? Bah.

Oh oh! Today, I went to orchard with Des (My bestie of 12 years)! So fun! The number of times I've seen Des this week is equal to the number of times I've seen her in the past 2 years. Haha... Imagine that! We live on the same teeny weeny itty bitty island and we see each other so rarely!

The world is strange.

*written @ 8:21 午後.

金曜日, 6月 16, 2006

I read Eileen's blog, and now I'm feeling so down. Her experiences with God are so vivid, so... real. I never really felt that God was with me. Was it because I fail to put all my trust into him? Being a born Christian, I do scorn converts. Especially thoses from churches like City Harvest. Why? Because I feel that they are freaks. When I attended Heart of God church, I couldn't bear the way the pastor made us feel guilty is we didn't give a large amount of offering. However, the reason I left was because one day, I accidentally received a message from my cell leader then. I was, " Make sure that she comes to church and keep in contact with her. Don't lose her." She spoke as if I was a conquest! I was angry, and so... I left. Now, reading the thoughts of the girl who once my best friend makes me want to cry. Why does God give her so much and me, so seemingly little? It makes me want to yell unfair that unlike her, I never felt a redeeming warmth when I was down. There was no help for me at the time I wanted to slit my wrists. Was there forgiveness when I failed my exams? No. There was none.

Oh! And apparently, one of Des's friends (My primary schoolmate) knows jasmine tai. *laughs* It's funny because she told Des's friend abt the:
jasmine : What are you doing?
Me: Messaging.
jasmine: With a handphone?!
Me: Well duh with a handphone! What else can you message with?
incident. Hahahaha! I believe she did it because she didn't believe that it would ever get back to me. Well! It did. I am so going to irritate her about it! Excuse me?! Bringing the stupid situation which she started into my primary school crowd is like way crossing the line. Ah well... this should be fun.

Maybe it's cause I'm evil. But doesn't jasmine tai apply to that too?

*written @ 8:51 午後.

木曜日, 6月 15, 2006

I look... weird hugging a bear. *frowns* I mean, I haven't had a bear in more than ten years! And suddenly, boom! Someone decides to drop one on me. *speechless* Actually, it really is rather cute and pretty, but the thing is... I'm not a bear person. Look at it! It's so out of place in my room! *laughs* It's ok if it's a small bear, but it huge! I have completely no idea what to do with it. Well... I guess it's the thought that counts! =)

*written @ 8:32 午後.

水曜日, 6月 14, 2006

According to someone who critisizes people until they cry for kicks (I'm sorry but that's how it feels), my flaws are:
1. Short attention span
2. No powers of deduction
3. Doesn't pay attention to details.

I only have one thing to say, "So?!" Sure, the short attention span and details thing is right. But is it true that I don't have any powers of deduction? I'm fucking sorry that I can't remember what the damned TV show is about, but maybe it's due to... I'm too fucking tired and busy to care?! You don't even see me watching TV very often anymore. So... how am I supposed to know what the stupid show is talking about?! Me?! Have no powers of deduction? It's funny. Oh oh! I wonder... who was the one who was whining that she couldn't swim because she didn't want to get tan lines? Oh yeah... It was you. Excuese me?! I know for sure that in 3 months time, the tan lines would already have been long gone. I cannot stand it when people belittle other people, when they never take in consideration their own flaws. Since you decided to list my flaws, I shall list three of yours:
1. You're fucking whiny sometimes.
2. Never takes in consideration my feelings or your own flaws before critisizing
3. I can never tell you anything because you only focus only on the details but never the big picture.
Face it. This is fair.

Argh... I feel like chopping off my fingers and burying them somewhere. Since I obviously have no musical talent anywhere. I can't stand the sound of my own playing. To me, the emotion is there, but according to someone I live with, there is none. I ask "It there truly no emotion or are you just too insensitive to listen?" Another question- Why am I always the object of people's belittlement? So what if you can play better than me? So what? Is it that fun to rub it in? Have I ever belittled you or made you feel stupid or useless? No. So stop it.

I remember every single terrible thing anyone has ever said and done to me. People should watch their words, one day they'll stab them in the back.

*written @ 7:42 午後.

月曜日, 6月 12, 2006

The Queen was furious,
And revoked her consent.
A dream to kill, was her desire,
As she glared in anger at Count Josiah.

"Chop off his head!"
She screamed in fury.
"No!" Yelled Princess,
As she ran in her hurry.

The Queen did not care,
Her words were law.
But she covered her eyes,
At the sight she so saw.

Princess Cassie shielded the Count,
Sobbing, sobbing as his sins started to mount.
Her efforts were fruitless, through and through.
Josiah had made them both the fool.

Her Majesty would not be stopped,
And she was about to blow her top.
However, she temper came to a great halt,
When she realised that Cassie was not at fault.

She pointed at Josiah,
And a grin came to her lips.
She made up a gory fire,
And gladly threw him in.


Well! This is the result of Josiah making me angry during physics! He wouldn't let me write COUNT JOSIAH on his notes. *scowl* Plus, he was making a huge fuss out of it. (Not caring about the fact that I was making the most noise.) I mean, everyone else did!

Here's what I wrote on their notes:
Hui Jing : Jingle Bell!
Xin Yi : Twinkie!
Shing Chun : Baron Shing Chun (Which became Grand Adviser Shing Chun since he complained so much)
Liang Hao : Knight Liang Hao
Matthias : Mattie!
Cassandra/cass/cas cas/cassie/cassasin/cassandracula (What a lot of names yeah?) : Princess Cassie!
Clarence : Quackie!

And Josiah wouldn't let me write Count Josiah on his! So childish!

*written @ 8:10 午後.

日曜日, 6月 11, 2006

At a tower there once stood,
Polished and elegent,
Kind and sweet,
A Princess as beautiful as she was good.

Loved by her people and by her great land,
Cassie was happy and cute and planned.
However, her poor heart was not alive,
There was indeed something missing from her great life.

Princess Cassie's birthday came,
She dressed up with pride an pains.
Smiling, she walked into the room,
Meeting the eyes of someone as true.

Eyes that gleamed like silent fire,
Princess Cassie met Count Josiah.
From that moment, their hearts so joined,
To be together, for all time.

Count Josiah held her hand,
And brought it to his lips.
Her highness could not help but blush,
At the feel of that endearing kiss.

Smitten, the Count asked for her hand.
And laughed as she nodded a yes.
The Queen applauded at that sight,
Providing her consent, without any fight.

And so, they lived a happy after.
As true love will never falter.
Hearts that form a rainbow's bend.
Alas, all great stories must come to an end.


*written @ 5:08 午後.

土曜日, 6月 10, 2006

There's this urge in me that compels me to type "I hate you." in the msn window. But I can't, I can't. At least not to Cheryl. I can't find it in me to call her Sherry anymore... It has just occured to me that, we have nothing to talk about besides Ian. It's sad, because when we talk on the phone, the conversation revolves about how she still loves Ian an how it's all his fault. Then it switches to her fault. And all I can do is try to protect my own mindset while trying my best to comfort her. She asks me to understand. How can I do that?

I'm sorry. But I can't. It's just not in me to. I'm sorry that I can't decipher her description of "real" pain. Ian is just a guy! You were together, you broke up. So?! It doesn't make you different from anyone else! It's what everyone will go/has gone through. Can't she just take this in her stride an just think of it as a step closer the one God has intended for her? *Troubled*

I couldn't say "I hate you." So all I said was, "Fine... just do whatever you want." Was that wrong of me? I tried to protect her and take away all the pain. But I couldn't. Was that my fault? Was her pain anymore than mine? Sometimes when she comments that my loss of a loved one was nothing really much compared to what she is feeling now. I feel like snapping "Why don't I inject an advance stage cancer cell into your mother so that you can standby and do nothing but watch her die." But I didn't. I didn't want to hurt her already fragile feelings.

It doesn't matter to me anymore. She can go do whatever she wants. I just hopes... that she thinks of other people.

Am I the one being selfish?

*written @ 2:04 午後.

木曜日, 6月 08, 2006

It lingers in my head,
This pain that just won't heal.
No one can make it go away,
The terrible agony I feel.

No words can represent me,
Or the torture in my heart.
Is this truly what I deserve?
But damn, how much it smarts.

It lurks behind the corridors,
Of dark and misery.
What I want to hear it say:
"I'm sorry, please forgive me."

Rattling, through the paths of time.
Without a sorrow, or pain, or fear.
I cannot think about it now,
For it just might bring a tear.


Please... just. Go away.

*written @ 8:43 午後.

水曜日, 6月 07, 2006


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Whoa... just look at that food!

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Cutting up the food...

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Eating the food...

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Jie! In the Disneyland Hotel. So nice right!?

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Me and my pony! *laughs*

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My cousin Maegen and her pony!

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The future shuai ge, Derek!

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Us! On to Disneyland!

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The two munchkins I had to entertain for 4 days! so cute eh? (Not when they're cranky)

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Cinderella's castle! Or was it sleeping Beauty's? Or... Oh what the hell! A Castle!

I'm too tired to type a proper post. Hahaha...

Logic of the day: Security guards can only be security guards because of their stupidity level. However, when security guards are security guards, they're still stupid. (This is a fact because my condo's guards for the past 2 years have been completely brainless and the ones at my school are too)

*written @ 8:08 午後.

火曜日, 6月 06, 2006

*Runs to top of a cliff and screams*" I COMPLETED THE ENTIRE CHAPTER ON MENSURATION AND ARITHMATIC IN MY E MATHS TEN YEARS SERIES!" Hahahahahaha... Aren't you just proud of me? Of course, most of my mensuration answers are wrong, because my brain shut down halfway... But who cares?! I did it! *Pumps fist in the air and does a strange dance*

I've become so fat! *cries* I can't even see my hip bones anymore... Don't give me that crap about how being able to see you hip bones means that you're way too skinny. I can see that I'm fat if I can't see them. Dieting starts tomorrow!

*Ramblings* You can put a duckie in water, but you can't make him swim.

*written @ 10:21 午後.

月曜日, 6月 05, 2006

I want to get away from here and I want to do it now! *Screams to no one in particular* *Looks at E maths and Add maths homework* ARGH!!! Get me out of here! I'm telling you! Maths kills! Truly, truly, it does. (Well, apparently thinking you have a tiny penis kills you too, but I don't have a penis. So maths will do.) I would go into my usual "WHY MATHS SHOULD BE BANNED" speech, but I do that rather often. So... I will stop here.

You know what will happen to the asshole who humiliated me if he keeps calling me b cup? *grins evilly* Oh.. you'll find out soon enough.

*written @ 9:47 午後.