火曜日, 5月 30, 2006

Someone just humiliated me. I'm sorry that my chest is too small! But I can't help it. God made me the way I am and I won't change a single thing. But it did hurt when he commented, " Ha! My chest is bigger than yours!" And he LAUGHED. At me. Dammit! Why am I so hurt? Why do I care if people laugh at me? Much as I try to not care and laugh it off, I can't never speak to someone like that normally again. It will haunt me that this person is judging me not on my personality or build, but on something I have completely no control in. I do judge people by the way they dress and act but not on what they look like! Dammit. That hurt a lot. I won't say who he is because it is much too humiliating, and I think that I've been through enough humiliation tonight.

What a bastard.

*written @ 10:25 午後.

月曜日, 5月 29, 2006

*Squirms* I'm... worried. I know I shouldn't be worried, but I can't being worried anyway. Parent and teacher meetings should be banned! I keep getting scolded for numbers on a piece of paper! A piece of paper which will rot before I even figure out it's significance. I wish I could be like others who like ignore their parents when they can scolded for getting bad results. But I'm not... It only takes a little bit of nagging to make me flare up and close myself up to the world. As much as I complain that I don't care, deep inside.... There's this deep dark feeling that I do.

I do try my best! Really, I do... It's just that for some reason, nothing good ever comes out of it. I know that if I put my mind to it, I can easily get like 8 points for O levels. So why don't I? That's a question that even I cannot answer. Studying is hateful. That I do admit. Why study when there's so many other meaningful things that you could do with your time? Like, quiet time! When have you last spent time with God? Or er... Write in you journal! It improves your language and gives you a sense of fulfillment at the end. Whereas if you study, all you feel is tired and sick when you're done. Point: Not very enjoyable.

I don't feel like trying anymore. I do try you know... Try to be likable, to not cause trouble, to not be a disgrace, to not get sneaked on by my maths tuition teacher (Man... She is such a pain!). But somehow, everything comes crashing down all at once. Besides, I'll turn out to be a disgrace anyway. No point trying to prevent the inevitable. Look, I don't even know what I wanna do, all I know is that this place is living hell and I just need to get out of here. Everytime someone nags at me for my results, I feel like their putting their hand around my heart and squeezing it. Squeezing it so tightly that all I want is for it to be plucked out and stomped on. Numbers don't really matter. Do they?

I don't like being me. Being me is the toughest thing I can ever think of. I don't know what I want, and when I want it. My childhood dream of being a vet is so close! So close that I can feel it reaching out to me. But yet, it's so far away. Can't... touch... it.

Anyone wanna be me for a while?

*written @ 8:52 午後.

日曜日, 5月 28, 2006

Not Forever
There so lived an actress,
Whose name was called Lene.
She used to be so sad, and with no reason why,
She would cry and cry and cry.

One day, her world so changed,
She met an actor who loved her at first sight.
They exchanged contacts and promised to keep in touch.
Or so it seemed, as it did seem too much.

The actor would bid her good morning, as well as good night.
Lene was so fond of him, she gave him a name only she would call.
The actor embraced that name and tried to give her one too.
It raged from pig to idiot, till finally he settled on Princess.

So the movie started, with Lene the princess and him the prince.
"Good night dear princess,"
Was what the script said.
He promised he would always be there.

Lene's sadness disappeared.
The actor was always there to make her smile, and whisper in her ear.
They could talk for ages and did it for months.
Till the actor got tired of Lene's charms.

Poor Lene had felt no such pain.
To have the one she loved, only to be tossed away.
What had she done?
She had no clue.

For months she waited, but he never came back.
Lene was depressed that she was retrenched from his heart.
She held this silly, stupid, hope,
That he would love her once again.

It never happened, as poor Lene pined.
He wouldn't speak to her and to her, she didn't exist.
The actor was only nice when he needed her,
But after that, she was once again thrown away.

Poor Lene had to leave,
To go somewhere and find new sunbeams.
Would he miss her?
She couldn't be sure.


Fuck. It's cold.

*written @ 9:00 午後.

土曜日, 5月 27, 2006

I had a lot of very constructive thoughts in my head for the past 3 days, but unfortunately, I have forgotten every single one of them. *Laughs*

*written @ 8:48 午後.

月曜日, 5月 22, 2006

Happy birthday to me… Happy birthday to me! *laughs* Today was a great day. One of the greatest in ages!

Around midnight, my handphone started beeping and beeping. Haha… People actually stayed up to midnight to wish me happy birthday! Thank you to Ian, Gabriel Soh and Clarence for being so nice!

You know what my duckie, Clarence did? It was so sweet ok… He actually burned a full disc of Westlife songs for me because I mentioned to him once that I adored Westlife. It wasn’t just 30-40 songs, it was like 80! *Squeals* I love you so much duckie! *laughs* Can you just imagine how much time that must have took?! Thank you so very much Clarence!

We (Shing Chun, Cas, Jeannette, Adrianna and I) even went to Fish and Co to have lunch! It was so fun! They sang happy birthday to me really loudly till I had to hide my face! Actually, I was supposed to give them a treat using my birthday money but in the end, Shing just clammed up and refused to let me pay! Wasn’t that the nicest thing?! Oh oh! They also gave me this gorgeous necklace… It’s the kind that I would fall in love with, look at, but never buy. I love all of them to bits!

I would only want to thank my Jie Jie for being so nice to me! For getting me the shoes even though they’re really impractical and I’ll probably never wear them much. Er… I think Colin shared it too… *blur* Hahaha! Thanks to both of you!

I miss my Er Jie (Dawnie)… Well, she seems to be having a great time being a paedophile! Hahahahaha!

Dear Lord,
Thank you so vey much for such wonderful friends and family.

In Jesus’s name, amen.

*written @ 6:04 午後.

木曜日, 5月 18, 2006

*Feeling in a really really bad mood*

Jasmine Tai: What are you doing? *Glares at me*
Me: Messaging *says curtly*
Jasmine Tai: With a handphone?!
Me: Well duh with a handphone. If not with what? *knows that she's trying to get me scared*
Jasmine Tai: *Starts complaining to supossed friends*

Well, excuse me! What was I to say? "I'm looking at the floor!" And sneakily keep my handphone? That's it... just keep on dreaming! It's amusing. She asks me "What are you doing?" and I'm supposed to get scared?! Hahahahahahaha... That's rich. Come on! What can she do? Tell Mr Sim so that he can call my sister again? Well! Maybe it'll work if Jie took her brain and threw it away! *laughs* Oh Oh! Or maybe... She'll tell Mr Sim and get him to take away my council points! *Gasps* (By the way, I got 16 cca points, which is a B3) Does she actually think I care? They're just cca points. -.-" Do you know how much it hurts to see Eileen (my ex best friend) take pictures with her? I mean. Ew. Just! Ew. Plus, they seem so... happy. *cringes*

I hate council.

*written @ 8:32 午後.

火曜日, 5月 16, 2006

Well well well... In the course of today, I have went from no one to go out with to too many appointments! Hahaha... So in the end, I'm going out with Shing, Cas, Matt, Sulin, Josiah and Jeannette. Oh gosh, what do I wear? *ponders*

Sherry is being annoying right now. She doesn't understand that unlike her, I make plans. I just just go out like that! Unless I'm free... But then again, I am never free. All my free days are reserved for coffee and studying! I mean, if she wanted to go to ACS barker, she should have given me like what, 2 days in advance. And now... she wants to go with her classmates. -.- Whatever... I don't really care.

*written @ 9:17 午後.

月曜日, 5月 15, 2006

Look at me. Tell me, do I seem capable of sitting at some place and doing maths for 2 hours straight?! If you answered yes, you should definitely go pull out your brain through your ears and soak it in hydrochloric acid! Numbers, numbers everywhere! *Runs and hides in a deep dark corner*

*Whimpers* I don't know anything about maths! Stop forcing me to do it... *starts brawling* Who cares if I can't remember the stupid formulas?! (If anyone dares to raise his/her hand, you'll be surprised how life can be cut short so suddenly) I mean, what use will sinx= sin(180-x) be? Maybe... it's to find the angle between your desk and your cubicle in your office! No? Oh oh! It's to find the angle of which you hold your spoon when you eat! Wrong again? SO WHAT THE HELL IS THE BENEFIT OF LEARNING MATHS?! (If anyone dares to protest, saying how fun maths is, I will puncture both they eyeballs!) In tuition, I had to do the same damned question 5 times! *Bangs head against table* It was horrible... And Eevon, my tuition teacher said "This is a typical O levels question! How are you going to pass you O levels if you can't get this right?" I will pass my Os levels! And, I'll get that question wrong and still get an A! (unlogical reasoning)

Screw maths. Give me a nice Literature essay to do any day.

*written @ 4:58 午後.

日曜日, 5月 14, 2006

Am I too direct?

Me: Sherry... Do you think that I'm too direct?
Sherry: Well, you are direct... but sometimes it just seem that you do it on purpose to hurt people's feelings.

Well, it isn't too pretty, but I have to admit that it's true. I know the limit and I know what I shouldn't say, but yet, I just go ahead and say it anyway. Why? I have no idea. Maybe... it's the things that some people say/have said/do/have done to me. Did they ever spare my feelings? *Shakes head* Which! I believe, breeds the mentality of " If I can take it, why can't you?". Really! If I can take it, why can't other people?!

Service sucked. I'm not afraid to say it. The Mother's Day service was hell. I really shouldn't have gone today.

I know that today is Mother's Day and I also know that the church feels that it is neccessary to bring a different pastor and give out flowers and presents and show videos of kids saying "I love you Mummy." It was so painful. I could not believe that we were told to stand in groups with our families and pray for our mother's. All I could think was, " Don't start sobbing... Don't start sobbing." *Sighs* So all I did was stand in one corner with a pissed off look on my face trying to control my tears. And Major Serene said "Even if you mother is not here, please take the flower anyway so that you can still give it to her." I saw eager, happy faces that ran to the basket, fighting for the prettiest flower. How much I wanted to be like that, but even if I took one, I would never be able to pass to my mummy. The most I could do is put it in some tiny metal stand and pray that somehow, she would be able to receive it with my love. Major Serene also told us to pray for our mothers. Watching as Auntie Audrey, Aaron and Aric happily laughing together as they did make my heart ache. Would it be of any use if I prayed? I'm sure that my mother is already happy. It hurts that looking at the three of them playing around together only reminded me that my relationship with my mummy was not like that.

Happy Mother's Day to those who actually enjoy it.

*written @ 5:24 午後.

金曜日, 5月 12, 2006

Revised wishlist:
1. Simple plan CD
2. Nana soundtrack
3. Westlife CD
4. Pentagram pendent from Tiffany and Co.
5. Princess Ai book 2
6. Paradise kiss book 2
7. Never give up book 2
(Items 5-7 can be found at Kino manga section)
8. Sparkly apple green liquid eyeliner (Make-up store Marina square)
9. Heart heels (Nue paragon)
10. Godiva truffles
11. Royce champange truffles
12. A tamagotchi
13. Something telling me that I get to keep my house
14. Gameboy advanced (They have Final fantasy on gameboy! I hate them)
15. The read heart earrings from SWATCH
16. The hoop earrings with lots of stuff hanging down from Perlini's Silver
17. A cool spaghetti strap that's not black (I think I have too many black clothes)
18. Notebooks
19. That duck paper weight from B.U.M equipment (Tampines mall)
20. Bear pawprint pendent from Sawrovski crystal
21. Lots of Ichigo bliss strawberries from Mos Burger
22. A new journal
23. Milk hand and nail cream (H2O)
24. A cool oversized guy's bottondown shirt from Billabong or Quiksilver (I like them)
25. A backless top
26. Green contact lenses
27. Oceanus purfume (Bodyshop)
28. A cool thing I can hang on my handphone
29. A single flower (A lily!)
30. Prince tennis racket
31. Tennis shoes...
32. A way for me to quit council (Damn it!)
33. The perfect boyfriend (Hahahahahahahahahahaha...)
34. A clone of me who can keep Colin (My sis's bf) entertained while I'm trying to sleep
35. For my family to be well and blessed
36. For Sherry to smile always
37. For Dawnie to be happy while being a Paedophile
38. A new handphone (mines getting a bit weird)
39. A drumset!
40. A snowglobe
41. A light blue hairband
42. Freak repelent
43. Warm chocolate cake from Bakerzin
44. A hammock!
45. A decent hair cut (my hair is crap now)

That's about it!

*written @ 9:13 午後.

水曜日, 5月 10, 2006


Addition mathematics. Tomorrow. Set by Mr Teo Kong Beng. *takes a deep breath* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Come on! You might as well just kill me now! It'll be easier on you and be easier on me. Please? Everyone knows that when that TKB sets the paper, we're all dead! Who cares if you studied or not? *fumes* Last year on some faithful Thursday, I made a 2 hour trip to hell and back. I barely survived! That additional mathematics paper was (if I may) hell. Literally. I looked at the first question and started sweating. I got to the middle and felt like throwing my pen down and tearing up the paper into little teeny weeny pieces and then storming out of the room crying. I'm not kidding! I survived 2 hours in hell...

Heres what happened last night:
Me: *scribbling messy physics notes on fullscape and humming along* All of a sudden, a flap of dry skin was felt going flappity flap flap against my lip! *irritated* *Peels it off* Thinks "Ow" and continues with work. *plop* Eh? ARGH!!!!!!! *drop of blood on physics notes* *runs around crazily* "JIE... JIE! My lip is bleeding!" "E... why like that?! Go put (some weird medicine for ulcers and stuff. Can't spell it) on it!" "K..." *puts a huge glob of the medicine on it* "ARGH!!!! PAIN!" *runs around until I decide to seek comfort in my pillow* *whines softly* I decide to get up to put my face cream. *looks in mirror and sees that lip has swelled* ARGH! *Collapses on floor*

Unfortunately, my lips are still drying and splitting at every two hour interval. BAH.

*written @ 3:13 午後.

火曜日, 5月 09, 2006

leonard is such a kid! *fumes* Now, according to him, it's me who hates him. -.-" So this is my fault? Hahahahaha... I'm finding this terribly, terribly amusing. Grow some guts man! If you have something to say, say it to me straight! Don't play around with the "let's hint on my msn nick game". It's not fun. I'm washing my hands off this... Please lah! If you were my enemy, you'll either be dead already or wishing you had never been born. I'm so tired of this already! If he wants me to hate him so much, I guess I just will! It's easier on me.

Hahahahaha... I know that I'm really mean and everything so don't lecture me about it.

I have no idea why I attract freaks! It's killing me! Argh... I should listen to Jeannette- Go hang around some guy's school, find a rich guy, make him fall crazily in love with me and marry me. Hahahaha! Isn't that a good idea? Then, I'll make him sign a pre-nuptial agreement so that when we get divorce (If we get divorced) I'll get half of his worth! Wow....

I'm crazy I know

*written @ 2:37 午後.

月曜日, 5月 08, 2006

Jing Jing : leonard hates you.
Me: Oh really? How'd you know that? *Reading social studies notes*
Jing Jing: He told me when we were online.
Me: Oh. So he randomly told you that he hates me. Ok. *still reading social studies notes*
Jing Jing: No, you stupid girl! *shoves head* He read your blog.
Me: Oh. So?
*Teacher walks in carrying scripts*

Ok. I think the terrible thing about this conversation is not that leonard hates me, but it's that I don't care. What?! What am I supposed to do? Cry? Over this? You have got to be kidding. The only time I cried over anyone was that faithful day my mummy left me. So.... yeah. Crying over a silly little thing like this is so... stupid. Something that I would never do! *Says with resolution* I mean, look at the situation this way : He kept going everywhere I went and kept sticking to me. Since I'm rather independent, I cannot tolerate people sticking to me. So I got annoyed and so I ranted. Yes, I do admit, in a really mean way. But! If he has a right to go where I go despite my obvious annoyence, I have a right to be mean. So the point is, he hates me when he's the one who started this whole thing. *slaps forehead*

*Grabs mike and starts yelling* You asked your friends to tease you about liking me and I'm supposed to believe it?! Excuse me?! And everything's supposed to fall into place after that?! You're living in your own world. And you come and ask me, " You know I have a crush on you right?" Seriously? I didn't. I thought the whole thing was a joke. That is why I didn't treat him any differently than before. Ah... How I regret my actions-I should have ran far far away when I had the chance.

Do you know what his messenger nicks are? When he found out that he was freaking me out, it was "It went from bad to worse. All my plans are going down the drain."(Or something like that) He had a plan! Hahahahahaha... Pray tell, what is it? Hahaha... Wait! On second thought, I don't want to know. Than it went to " How sad when friends become enemies. Now I know the reason behind your hatred." (Can't really remember) Hatred! Hahahahaha... Trust me. That is called being annoyed. If I hate someone, the person will suffer. Now, it's, "If there's any space for forgiveness-please forgive me for my mistakes." Well... Of course there's space. However I don't forgive so easily. Grow some guts and come and ask me for it! *sheesh*

If his trying to make me make the first move, he'll regret it. I don't do well in confrontations because what I say sting like hell (so my sister says). So... Don't provoke me!

Did that make you hate me more? I'm not sorry... Get this straight! I don't like people who hate me. I do not hate them but I'm not nice to them, at all. Besides, they all end up suffering in one way or another eventually. When that starts, remember this : You called it first.

*written @ 2:35 午後.

日曜日, 5月 07, 2006

I had a flashback today. One of the nicest ones in ages. It made my eyes twinkle and made me laugh. How painful it is to know that on 15th December 2005, it all became a mere memory...

*written @ 6:56 午後.

土曜日, 5月 06, 2006

Er... If you happen to be wondering why the page which appears when you press the second circle is blank, er... it's because er... Actually, I have no idea either! But the instruction on the template on where to put your pofile and tag and everything was really messed up so I didn't know where to put what. So this is the best I can get it to be.

*written @ 10:41 午後.

金曜日, 5月 05, 2006


Stubborn and hardhearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily Angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful both physically and mentally. Firm standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards the opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (Left brain) Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ears and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature an the arts. Loves traveling. Dislikes being at home. Restless. Not going to have many children. Hardworking. High spirited.

HARDHEARTED?! Excuse me?! I am not hardhearted! Well... If you don't count how I treat people I don't like and people who stalk me. =D If you do, than I have nothing to say. Hahaha... Being hardhearted is quite good anyway. I don't get hurt so easily... I'm immune! Shy towards the opposite sex? Hm... In sec one I was! Haha! Now, judging what I say to them, I think not. *grins suspiciously* What is clairvoyance?

Everyone said that the english exam today was difficult! Except me! I felt it was kinda ok... CRAP! Did I screw it up without realising it? I'm worried...

So enticing, the bittersweetness of love...

*written @ 3:18 午後.

木曜日, 5月 04, 2006

*Compares Sherry's blog and my blog* Hm... Mine is so vulgar! *laughs* Well! There's nothing wrong with that is there? Today, Jeannette and I were discussing something constructive for once-Why is fuck a bad word? Really! Have you ever thought about it? It's really interesting... Who declared that a bad word should be a bad word?

Fuck is an English word which, when used literally, means "to have sexual intercourse" and is generally considered extremely vulgar. It is commonly considered to be one of the most impolite yet flexible curse words in the English language. It can be used as a verb, noun, adjective ("fucking"), adverb ("fucking"), or interjection. It is unclear whether the word has always been considered impolite and, if not, when it was initially considered to be profane. Some evidence indicates that in some English-speaking locales it was considered acceptable as late as the 17th century meaning "to strike" or "to penetrate" [1]. Other evidence indicates that it may have become vulgar as early as the 16th century in England. Other reputable sources such as the Oxford English Dictionary contend the true etymology is still uncertain but appears to point to an Anglo-Saxon origin that in later times spread to the British colonies and worldwide. (From Wikipedia.com)

See... it was acceptable in english! No wait! I mean, it is english! Plus, it was acceptable till the 16th to the 17th century. So, why is fuck a bad word? Did the king of England at that time decide it? But to think that it has existed in the 16th and 17th century! *Wow...* Which means, it existed in Shakephere's time. I wonder why Shakephere didn't use it in any of his plays. Ah... You may say "Well, that's because his cultured! Unlike you..." And I must disagree. What about saying/typing/writing fuck makes people uncultured? Celebrities use it, and I'm sure rich royal families of some country had used it once or twice in their life... If that is the arguement, are gangsters cultured? They use stuff like cb and who knows what else, but do not use fuck. So, are they cultured? If fuck is used is proper english, why is it bad? I'll bet that if you run around and ask people for the definition of fuck, they'll never be able to tell you without checking it out first. So... is it grammatically correct to say that someone is fucking annoying?

Hahahaha... I'm really sorry if this was kinda painful to read but it makes sense yeah? This was sparked off by Sherry who commented to Brian that I'm vulgar. I challenge, what is the difinition of vulgar? And with that, what makes fuck a vulgar word? It is from the original english so why why why? =P Oh! And also, I would like to give Mr Sim a little credit for this post. The sweet memories of "Your sister uses the F word on her blog." If it's a bad thing, please do explain, why is it bad?


*written @ 6:44 午後.

火曜日, 5月 02, 2006

Hey! Guess what guess what! I broke up with Aiden... *nods nods* But! I have a new one! His called Christian. And his... christian. Duh... *laughs* But who knows? Maybe I'll get back with Aiden one day. *grins*

I have a sudden craving for NYDC's mudpie... *slurp* I realise that everytime I go out to eat with Shing Chun, we always have good food. Haha... Had Phin's today. Fish and Chips fish and chips! Yum yum yum! After we ate, we had like $3.10 in change. It was actually Shing's but for some reason, he refused it. Hm... So! We (Jeannette, Cas, Shing and I) decided to use to for dessert. Just imagine 4 weird people running around Tampines mall looking for something sweet that costs less than $4 to share. So silly right?! Haha...

Cas is so cute! *randomly and lesbian like*

*written @ 6:01 午後.

月曜日, 5月 01, 2006

A very very important day is coming! *Grins*

1. the sparkly green eyeliner from the make-up store (Marina square)
2. Princess Ai book 2
3. Paradise kiss book 2
4. Never give up book 2
5. Cresent Moon book 5
(Items 2-5 can be found at Takashimaya's kina manga section)
6. westlife CD
7. Avril Lavigne-let go CD
8. NANA soundtrack (From Gamaphone paragon)
9. The pentagram pendent from Tiffany and Co
10. The white Prince tennis racket
11. Godiva truffles
12. A light blue hair band!
13. The heart sandals from Nue paragon
14. I not stupid too VCD
15. Royce champange truffles
16. Willy Wonka's mudsludge
17. Warm chocolate cake from Bakerz in
18. black i-pod nano
19. A drumset!
20. A nice condo in the east
21. A bag to replace my crumpler
22. Hair extentions
23. A bathtub!
24. One of the cool fabric notebooks from the cool notebook store at citylink
25. One of those champange glasses from the store at citylink
26. A cool guy's billabong shirt that is small enough to fit me (Haha... I like...)
27. A completely free day to go hang out with Des
28. Starbucks mocha frupp
29. Coffebean's pure chocolate
30. An excuse to get another hole in my ear
31. A reason to prevent Sherry from getting a hole in her lip
32. A perfect boyfriend
33. A distinction for everything for my prelims
34. The red heart earrings from SWATCH
35. A new tube of lip gloss
36. A veggietales CD
37. The black Le Cociq Sportif bag (I know my spelling sucks)
38. A hula hoop? haha...
39. Green coloured contacts!
40. A way to get out of council
41. An excuse to drown a couple of people
42. An anklet
43. A saxophone
44. A husky!
45. An excuse for Major Serene and Andy to stay
46. A way to keep Sherry smiling
47. The Aiden keychain I had my eye on (Tampines mall Gifts and such)
48. Model book 1 (I can't find it!)
49. wings!
50. A new bible? (Mine's getting a bit ratty but I kinda can't bear to get rid of it)
51. The pawprint pendent from Swarovski crystal
52. A birthday card
53. Anything you think I might like

Haha... No one has to get me anything, but this list is just to make it easier for people who wanna get me something. Since they keep asking me what i want.. Haha

*written @ 12:52 午後.