月曜日, 10月 31, 2005

1. Name: Aileen
2. Your nickname: Leen?
4. Hometown: singapore
5. Zodiac Sign: Gemini
6. Male or Female: female
7. age: 15
9. Occupation: student
10. Residence: Simei
11. Screen name: i have many
Your Appearance___
12. Hair color: black with natural brown highlights
13. Hair long or short: short
14. Eye color:brown
15. How do your nails look: on the short side
16. Height: 6'3
17. Do you have a crush on someone right now?: not really
18. Do You Like Yourself: not really
19. Braces?: used to
20. Think You're Attractive: not really
21. Piercings:2
22. Tattoo: no
23. Righty or Lefty: Righty
Your 'Firsts'___
24. First Rollercoaster: at 14! at disney land
25. First cell phone:nokia 8250
26. First best friend(s): Des
27. First Award:Some best reader thing
28. First Sport You Joined: swimming
29. First pet: a bird
30. First vacation: Hinan island china
31. First Concert: Avril lavigne
32. First True Love: no one yet
33. Movie: troy
34. TV Show: sex and the city
35. Color: black,blue,silver,red,orange
36. Bands: greenday, orange
37. Song:currently...boulevard of broken dreams,wake me up when september ends
38. Food: scallops!
39. Drink: mocha frupp from starbucks
40. Candy:dark chocolate
41. Sport: tennis,roller-blading,squash, swimming,ice-skating
42. Fav sport To Watch: ice-skating, gymnastics
43. Brand Of clothes: Roxy,Ripcurl,Mango,Esprit,Topshop,Guess, French connection, Miss sixty, GAP, Levi's
45. School Subject: Does PE count?
46. Animal: horses, dogs, jaguars, chipmunks!
47. Books: da vinci code, gossip girl, heaven, the undomestic goddess, sabriel, windsong
48. Magazine: Dolly, CLEO(Aussie and s'pore), People, Star, paw pals
49. Eating: nothing
50. Drinking: Nothing.
52. Online?: yup
53. Listening to: Motherland by crystal kay (jap)
54. Thinking About: how to answer this question
55. Wanting To: get the hell outta this hell i call life
56. Watching: the monitor
Your Future___
48. Want kids?:maybe
59. Want to Get Married?:someday
60. Careers in Mind:vet, fashion designer, poet?
Which is Better With The Preferred Sex _male_
67. Cute or Sexy: sexy AND cute...
68. Lips or Eyes: eyes.....
69. Hugs or Kisses: hugs
70. Short or Tall: tall
71. Easygoing or serious: A little bit of both.
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: A little bit of both.
73. Fatty or Skinny: muscular but lean
74. Sensitive or Loud: a bit of both
75. Hook-up or Relationship: relationship
76. Sweet or Caring: sweet
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: depends
Have You Ever___
78. Kissed a Stranger: nope
79. Drank Alcohol: yes
80. Smoked: nah
81. Ran Away From Home:nope...
82. Broken a Bone: nope
83. Got an X-ray: yes
84. Broken Someones Heart: unfortunately, yes
85. Love Someone: does russell count? haha
86. Turned Someone Down: yeah
87. Cried When Someone Died: yes
88. Cried At School: yes
Do You Believe In___
89. God: yeah
90. Miracles: yep
91. Love At First Sight: yep
93. Aliens: maybe
94. Soul Mates:yep
95. Heaven: yeah
96. Hell: yeah
98. Kissing On The First Date: no
99. Horoscopes: not really
100. Is There Someone You Want But You Know You can never have: yeah duh...

Haha... was really bored so did this for fun. I know there are some numbers missing but can't do anything, it was like that when I found it.

*written @ 11:17 午前.

金曜日, 10月 28, 2005

Stop gloating! Stop! Just because you beat me at chess does not give you the right to gloat! so what if you ate up everything except my king? Ate up my knights, my castles, my.... *speechless* Fine! gloat! See if I care! Anyway, I am quite lousy at chess, so beating me is no great feat. *neah neah neah*

I had previously thought that today would be doomsday. But actually, it wasn't! Haha... It was actually pretty liberating! Miss Thong (form teacher) would not give us back our report books until we had signed the stupid travelling plan form. (This stupid form that asks you to write your travel plans. Who knows what the school will do with it?!) Actually, it wasn't just her, Miss Lam (co-form teacher)was the one who started it. She was all prissy-prassy and was like "If you all don't hand up your forms, you won't get your report book." It seemed to be a really big deal to me at first. Really! I have always got my report book on the last day of school. Not that I really look forward to it, but yeah... Obviously, 3D being 3D, 95% of us would not have signed the form. Which is why only about 7 people got their report book today.

I do admit that it is my fault for forgetting to get it signed, but it was so silly! Not letting the students get their report book just because they didn't sign a stupid form. Oh pish! Mrs Neo (the principal) didn't even say that we had to hand up the form before getting the book. So, it looked/felt like Miss Thong and Miss Lam had just came up with their own rule! (More to Miss Lam though) Plus, it was so unfair to people like Eileen and Fiona, who only came to school today and didn't get the form. (Eventually they got their report book -after much inconvenience) And we addressed the irritating habit of shifting responsibility that Miss Thong has. Like, everytime you ask her something, she goes "I don't know, ask so-and-so." It is irritaing because, if you don't know everything, why are you the teacher. She said that to Eileen, and to me a number of times, which is why I am bringing it up. Being the form teacher of the class, I am sure that she has the authority to issue the report books without having to listen to Miss Lam regarding certain matters. Also, when Miss Lam suspected that the signatures on Shing Chun's and Eunice's forms were fake, she called their parents. Which is quite a retarded thing to do as she could easily have called everyone else's parents and ask about their travel plans. I told that to Miss Thong, and she said "So you expect us to call 41 parents." in a really monotonous voice. I do not expect you to, but it would have been nice if you had explained that logic to me in a more polite manner.

You know the issue about students writing bad stuff about their teachers on their blogs? It is so crap. Haha... Anyway, this is not bad stuff like calling my teacher a bitch or something like that. Actually, if I wanted to call my teacher a bitch/bastard, I wouldn't even bother writing in on my blog, I would just tell everyone that I know! Aren't I clever? All this the absoulute truth! I had 41 witnesses to prove it! So there! *sticks out tongue*

*written @ 8:42 午後.

水曜日, 10月 26, 2005

The dripping of the water echos in my mind, and darkness wraps itself like a cape around me. The trickle of dripping water becomes a black waterfall, the darkness become shackles that restrain my ankles and wrists. Horrified, I begin to scream. Sparkling, the waterfall becomes silver and somehow, it overflows until it touches me. As soon as that happens, it turns to blood red, its texture becomes thick and its taste, bittersweet. Soaking in it, I begin to suffocate. The water is like a rope around my neck, cutting off my air. Without warning, it stuffs itself into my mouth and starts to pour in to my lungs. The feeling is unbearable and I wake up shaking and drenched in cold sweat.

What does a dream like that mean? It invokes a sense of foreboding and doom. Haha... Maybe I'm just paranoid. Is there anything wrong with being paranoid? I have never had a dream like that before! It seriously felt that I had drifted into another realm or something like that. Freaky...

*breathes in and out* I can't find any inspiration for The Princess and the Pea Brain! It's killing me! However, one thing that I am absoulutely, positively, definately sure of is, Ian will be the clump of bacteria infested amoeba that will inventually turn into a very evil gianted bacteria infested amoeba causing the downfall of the beautiful kingdom and the death of Princess Cher (sherry). Fortunately, Princess Cher will have the beautiful Fairy Aleena(It's my story and I'll do whatever I want with it!) to rebuild the kingdom before going to the underworld to retrieve her soul. Oh yeah! And to crush the disgusting amoeba into dust and letting it blow away in the wind -never to piece together again or threaten Princess Cher.

Oh wow! I have my plot! Hahahahahaha...

*written @ 8:32 午後.

木曜日, 10月 20, 2005

Pea brain
I have something to tell you,
Something I have to do.
He makes me yell and scream so much,
I assure you, my plight rings true.

He uses my own quotes against me,
And that I cannot bear.
I feel like hitting him so much,
Until my muscle tears.

He irks me with his words,
And laughs at my discomfort.
How I would love to set him on fire,
So I could watch him squirm.

But alas, I cannot do this,
For fear someone would cry.
But how fun it would be to ignite him,
With the flame of his own lies.

Aileen (A well-loved poet of the 21st century)

Another poem! Haha... I feel like a poem dispenser. This one was personally requested by a certain someone, who wanted to know something from my point of view.

Anyway, I hate council! I hate it I hate it I hate it! *fumes* I got caught for using my mobile phone in class. Again! ARGH! If I really did use it, I wouldn't be fuming so much, but the thing is, I didn't! It was exam period! How in the world was I going to use it?! *sheesh* Why was I going to use it anyway? It's not as if I was going to go out or something. What is their problem?! I shan't accuse people without edvidence, but I know it's them/her! It's so obvious. They're the only ones who had a problem with it. I didn't even do anything! Nope, nada, not a thing! And they told Mr Sim! The *mumbles a huge string of vulgarities*. And he was like :"people have been telling me that you've been using your handphone in class." WHICH I HAVE NOT! It's a no brainer on who the people are. My guess is that it's either Little-Miss-President or Miss-I'll-Love-Council-Till-I-Die, but most probaly, it's the both of them. I know they can't wait to get me out of council, but is this really neccessary? If they had a problem, they should have took it out with me first! May the little tell-tale suffer horribly.

Ever had 2 hours of PE? No? It's really fun! Haha... My usual PE clique and I were playing truth or dare. Or rather, just truth. Dare was too.... I dunno... daring? Haha... We even roped in Miss Thong and Mr Tan to play. And we asked them :"Describe your ultimate sexual fantasy." Hahahahaha.... Miss Thong looked so appalled. Mr Tan just laughed at us.

I'm just not in the mood to blog anymore. By the way, new story entitled "The Princess and the Pea Brain" coming out soon! Wait for it!

*written @ 6:41 午後.

日曜日, 10月 16, 2005

After I discovered that there are actually people out there who read my blog, I've suddenly become so aware of how boring I am. Haha... I'm not really boring, am I?

One of my great loves is going to church. The Salvation Army Changi Corps church! We rock! Yeah! *raises arms high up in the air* Although I did enjoy myself at Heart of God church, it just isn't the same. Like the way dark chocolate and milk are the same thing, but they're different! In Heart of God church, I didn't feel like a part of anything. It was fun, yeah, but apart from Fedora and Joanne, I didn't really have, oh wait, it's I didn't have other other friends to hang out with. But in the Salvation Army Changi Corps church, I feel accepted. I feel accepted into their family. And also, it's so much more fun! We're always laughing and poking fun at all the officers. Haha... I really looking forward to kettling (you know that salvation army people ringing the bell and collecting donations at the train stations? Yeah, that.) this holidays. Oh! And carolling too! Although I'm not really sure how they're going to do that.

After service today, all the youth people went to the room to watch Monster-In-Law. Haha... I was a bit busy playing Monopoly with Alysia, Sean and Aaron to really watch, so... Anyway, Monopoly?! How old school is that?! Haha... And I was winning! I haven't lost my touch at it yet. Aaron and I were having this competition on who could buy the most property the fastest. Needless to say, I won. *Neah neah neah* I had to go soon after so Cheryl (sherry) took over the fortune I amassed. AND SHE LOST IT! *fumes* It was such a huge fortune too... *cries*

I feel poor.

*written @ 6:16 午後.

金曜日, 10月 14, 2005

What is boredom? Looking at my hand, I see the equivalent of boredom. Haha... When I turned on the computer, I found, to my amazement, a pink pen! There are hardly any pens in my house, so finding the pink one was pure luck! *beams* And then I thought "Why don't I just draw a wrist band on my wrist?" And so I did. With the pink pen. In pink. *...* I can't believe I did that! What was wrong with me?! Now I have this whirly bright pink swirls all around my hand. After I drew that, I immediently realised one thing. That I hate pink. Now I feel... Stupid.

Exams ended today! *Woohoo* =D The paper wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. I had 2 1/2 hours to do it, but I finished it in 2. You don't to gasp so loudly! I'm appalled at myself too! Haha... After I finished, I kept looking around. All my classmates seemed to be scribbling very feverently. "What are they writing? Why do they seem to have so much to write?" These thoughts appeared in my head as I flipped fantically through the paper (not really fantically, but just flipping really quickly). I can't believe how I had half and hour to stare into space for my worst subject!

After the exam, Aaron came to meet Cheryl (Sherry) and I after school. Haha... Wasn't that nice of him? When we didn't see him outside the school straight away, we panicked. Fine, I panicked. I am really prone to getting lost, so I was worried that he got lost! And he lost his mobile phone. That stupid duck. He bought Cheryl and I chocolate! But I ate all of it up anyway since both bars were in my bag. *grins sheepishly* We were meeting Joshua and the rest of the youth group at 2. But it was only 10 plus! So, we decided to go to the airport and have lunch. Doesn't it sound crazy? 3 secondary school students going to the airport to have lunch. The train was empty! It was freaky! We went to eat Sakae sushi. Today was the first time that I spent less than $10 at Sakae Sushi. After that, it was only about 1, so we went to sit the sky train. Haha... I haven't sat the sky train for so long, I can't even remember the last time I had a ride on it. But it was so fun! *beams* We just kept sitting it back and forth and back and forth for like half an hour.

The trip to Orchard wasn't as fun as I thought I would be, so I won't blog about it. (Feeling a bit xian). Haha...

*written @ 8:33 午後.

日曜日, 10月 09, 2005

It's ok... You don't have to care about me. It's really ok, what life does to me. Take away my mother, take away my friends and take away my future. I don't care anymore. I really don't. I can't do a thing about it anyway. I tried to say what I felt, which was the truth. And I got cruelly rebutted. I was sad, I felt hurt when she said that she'd rather not be my friend. Am I that hateful? But I needed her. For I had no one else. I'm sorry... I apologised for feeling the way I did. I asked for forgiveness. And got ignored. I don't understand. Not at all. I apologised first, like I always do. And I get ignored.

It's ok I guess. How unpopular I am. No one really cares anyway. Ever wonder why I love going to church so much? It's because when I'm there, I feel loved. By God, by everyone. When I'm there, I can smile. I can play, I can be myself. I shield myself with an illusion to pretend that I'm not affected by pain.

No one knows... Even those who know shun me, and leave me to rot. They know that I can't deal with it myself. They know I cannot bear to be so alone. But they still do it anyway.


*written @ 9:50 午前.

土曜日, 10月 08, 2005

All I can do is to sit and stare. At nothing. Really. I just stared at an empty piece of space waiting, waiting for hope, or salvation to suddenly materialise. Most absurdly, it doesn't. It's really quite funny. How people just use me and throw me away like I am trash. Maybe, I am. I am trash. To everyone.

I can't stand myself. Really. I just can't. I feel so alone, so cold. People who I call my friends have abandoned me. I have no one. No one at all. Maybe I shouldn't just talk about me. Sounds selfish. Haha... Maybe I am selfish. Maybe I do only care for myself. Maybe the way I shut up and just put up with the pain I feel inside benefits myself. Maybe I should just keep joy to myself because it doesn't benefit me to share it. I just thought that she would like to know. Is that wrong? If something good happened to her, I would love it if she shared it with me. But she won't. Maybe I should just stop caring about other people's hurt and pain. No one wants to confide in me anyway. I'm just there. An eyesore. What is the point of caring about other people's happiness when they grind my feelings into powder and let it get blown away in the wind? At least I know that God loves me. That God sees me cry. But he gives me no comfort. No answers. Why?

My possessions used to mean so much to me. Now, they are nothing. For I am nothing. I am dust in people's eyes. Secretly harmful and unwanted. A soulless shell. I am a shadow of people I call my friends. They leave me behind like they would a pile of trash. Oh wait... I am trash. I am left alone to struggle out of a cage that I've built out of my own pain and depression. No one wants to help me. It's fine. I'll just stay trapped until I choose the ultimate route to freedom. I really don't care if I go to hell. Anywhere's got to be better than here.

I see only my outside. Which is why I care so much about my outer appearance. I have no inner beauty to speak of. People have shown that to me. That I am not worthy of their concern. No one remembers me, no one acknowledges my pressence.

I wish to be hit by a car. To lie bruised and battered in a pool of blood. When that happens, I will be free. And people will see what they have done to me, on the outside. I bleed on the inside. And I will continue to, until I finally drown in my own blood.

God, please, save me from my pain. No wait... That sounds selfish. To ask only for myself. Maybe I should say "Lord, please relief these people of the eyesore that they so seem to hate."

Do not miss me when I leave. Cry not for my soul because it's in a better place. Rejoice, for it's what you drove me to do. Smile, because you deserted me and left me to bleed. Be happy, it would've been what I wanted, even if you hated me.

Why do I speak like anyone would listen?

*written @ 8:23 午後.

水曜日, 10月 05, 2005

I had a bad day. Not in nothing worked out for me day, but it was just bad.

Like, Eileen doesn't want me anymore! After sitting in rows for so long, she's grown attached to Fiona. Which is fine! Fiona is nice. It's just that when I walk to the bus-stop with Fiona and her, she really only talks to Fiona. I feel like yelling "HELLO?! I'm here too you know!" They always speak chinese. Which I obviously cannot understand, and they know that! Hanging out with Eileen and Fiona is fine... Just that I feel neglected. But now, Jasmine and Jia Yu have attached themselves to them. ARGH! *tears out hair* One is little miss I'm-president-of-everything and the other is miss I'll-love-council-until-I-die. Oh please! They've taken away my post and my pride. AND NOW THEY WANT TO TAKE AWAY MY FRIENDS?! Eileen and Fiona used to wait for me before leaving class. And it made me feel wanted. Because I'm usually the one who waits for people. Now, after attaching themselves to Jia Yu and Jasmine, they just leave! Jia yu grabs Fiona and Jasmine grabs Eileen and they just go. Excuse me?! I'm not invisible you know?! You know that I cannot take being ignored and you do it! WHY?! You know that I cannot take being alone when there are people around me and you still ignore me! And when you tell things to them, you leave me out. Are you really my friend? Eileen waits for Jasmine to finish finding people and to finish meetings. Has she ever done that for me? Never. She knows how I feel about it and she still makes me wait! What the fuck?! It makes me sick. When I told Eileen about me passing my grade 6 piano exam, it was like talking to a wall! No reaction, no emotion. If she didn't know how much I cried thinking that I was going to fail, it would be fine. But she did know! Even Clarence had a bigger reaction. Even Aaron was happy for me! Clarence listens to me! He knows the things about me that no one else does! And you call yourself my friend for 3 years?

When I came home, all I wanted to do was to eat marcaroni. Which is pretty rare, since I practically live on junk and instant food. And there is no more instant noodles since someone ate all of them up and Linda didn't have it in her brain to replace it. So, now, my diet is chocolate. Know why I love chocolate so much? It's because it makes me happy. Happy enough so that when I come home, I don't have to think how fucking hungry I am. So today, I came home, I went to Linda (my maid) and said :"I'm hungry. Can you make me some marcaroni please?" "I don't have." *In a monotonous voice while watching TV* HOW FUCKING RUDE WAS THAT?! My family pays her to take care of me (since I'm usually the only one at home) and she gives me this shit? Well, normally, I would just think "screw you" and run down to buy my own food. But today, I had an exam! I'm hungry, I'm tired! Can't you just do it for the one time I'm home for lunch? No. She didn't even ask if I wanted anything else, she didn't even offer to go and buy for me. SHE WAS BUSY WATCHING TV! Even my Dad would offer to buy something for me to eat. MY DAD. WHO PAYS HER. I called Jie and told her. And I got "Go eat chicken pie lah!" Well, if there was any chicken pie, I wouldn't make such a fuss would I? No. But! THERE IS NO FUCKING CHICKEN PIE IN THE FUCKING FRIDGE! And the point is not that I am being whiny. The point is that we pay her to take care of me (in the afternoon), and she leaves me to feel hungry like I'm going to die soon? Do you even know what she does in the afternoon? SHE WATCHES TV AND HOGS THE PHONE. And when she goes out to buy stuff, she takes ages! Until I get so hungry, I make myself something to eat. And when she finally comes back, she scolds me! You don't know right? IF YOU DON'T KNOW, CAN YOU FUCKING STOP BLAMING ME!? She doesn't clean the house. She doesn't clear the bins. She only clears yours! Did you know that? No? Shut up then! When I had my time of the month, she didn't clear the bins for so long, the whole place smelled like coagulated blood! I had to clear it myself. Maybe it is disgusting for her to clear the bin when it's filled with stuff like that, but if she didn't want to, she could've told me to do it myself. I don't mind. And she keeps touching my stuff! I tell her that I can fucking clean my room myself but no... she won't let me. She'd rather I fill everyone's ears with vulgarities.

Jie, it doesn't mean that when you come back to a house with people and food wating for you, I do too. If you have never felt so hungry until your sides ache, you just let me complain. Just because you are laden with responbilities, does not mean you can take it out on me. Just because I'm the youngest and most brainless person in the house. I don't ask you to understand, all I ask is that you listen. And for fuck's sake, stop ignoring me. If you don't ignore me in the first place, I won't have to repeat the question over and over until you get irritated aand yell at me right? And if you talk to be about how I am wrong I am in this post, I really will just look you in the face and say "screw you". For in this blog, the world is mine. And you can get the hell out if you don't want to be a part of it.

*written @ 1:38 午後.